The decision, which would affect all of 117 students, is a moving demonstration of how much Wisconsin legislators care about not leaving any children behind.

Because as everybody knows, the best education system is strictly enforced by the government. Parents can’t be expected to raise their own children, oh no. Have you seen some of the parents in Wisconsin? The only way those children are going to grow up with any sense of normality is if they spend as much time away from home as possible. It’s their only shot at getting out of the living hellhole that is Wisconsin.

-MoF

PS: Raising children should be the parents’ responsibility, not the state’s. And if people can’t raise children responsibly, then they really should not be having children…

Would-be-criminals, take note. The middle of a crime is *not* a good time to be updating your Facebook status or tweeting your best friend.

-MoF

How, you ask? Well a true gentleman knows no boundaries and will use any legal loophole to get his hands on a little extra cash.

What makes this fellow a true gentleman deserving of the GQ award is that he turned down the runner-up’s offer to chop (split) the pot when they were head-head (i.e. in the final round).

Apparently he decided that her need to get through her cancer post-op recovery was not as great as his need for gentlemanly things.

Congratulations Mr. Korotki, you truly deserve the GAY award.

-MoF

(On a more serious note, I understand that establishments aren’t legally allowed to discriminate against men at an all-women’s game, but aren’t the players themselves free to do as they wish? It would make sense if the establishment allowed players to get up and move to another table/create another table before the game starts and forbid players from joining any game already in progress.

Then the moment this gentleman sits down, everybody can leave and go to another table, repeating until he leaves )

Anybody who knows where Waldo went is advised that he’s worth about $130,000 alive and well.

-MoF

Well how about now?

That’s right. The Swedish government is funding lesbian porn.

I’m not exactly sure why, I kinda stopped reading after that point because you really can’t top that in sheer government awesomeness. Here is a prime example of the difference between North America and Europe.

Here you’ve got politicians spending taxpayer dollars on prostitutes and making amateur videos for their personal enjoyment. That is what we call a greedy, capitalist model. In Sweden, the politicians are spending taxpayer dollars on lesbian porn for everyone to enjoy. There’s socialism at work for you.

No word yet on whether Swedish politicians will be allowed to take a more, erm, active role in the production process.

-MoF

Most ordinary gamers would just rage out in a flurry of epithets questioning the sexuality and promiscuity of said 12-year old and his mother. But not Hugo Chavez. Hugo Chavez took his digital humiliation one step further and banned all violent video games from Venezuela.

To be fair, since Hugo Chavez’s party took power there have been either 100,000 (according to his opponents) murders or 100,000 (according to Chavez) prolonged vacations to the countryside, so something clearly had to be done. Though the banning of violent video games seems somewhat less effective of an anti-violence strategy than, say, cracking down on organized crime. But in any case, whichever statistic is true or truer, one thing is for certain:

Next time you find yourself playing Halo with a guy named ChavezRulz, just let him win.

-MoF

Context:
CIGNA, a health insurance company in the States, killed a 17-year old girl by refusing her liver transplant, supposedly on the grounds that transplants were too experimental to waste their money on. This move pissed off just about every decent person who isn’t a CIGNA shareholder, resulting in protests and a general PR nightmare for the company.

Words spoken:
CIGNA released the following statement: “Our deepest sympathies are with Nataline’s family. Their loss is immeasurable, and our thoughts and prayers are with them. We deeply hope that the outpouring of concern, care and love that are being expressed for Nataline’s family help them at this time.”

Words unspoken:
“… because we sure as hell won’t.”

What it reveals:
Every sane person (in this case, ‘sane person’ = ‘person who doesn’t agree with Fox news’) knows the US health insurance system is broken for anyone who isn’t rich. With all the healthcare reform stuff, now would have been a good time for CIGNA to show some human decency and offer to give some form of assistance for the family. Also, I highly doubt every CIGNA employee’s thoughts are with the family of the dead girl. Given their behaviour, their employees’ thoughts are more likely to be along the lines of ‘money money money money money money money cash.’

Context:
A British bloke and some girls decide to do half-naked photoshoots in a church that is somewhat famous for being the set of a Rowan Atkinson comedy, without letting the local priest in on the action. You can guess what happened next.

Words spoken:
Says Andy Craddock, ‘How is it worse having someone naked in the church than having a film set there about murder and death? If the parishioners are upset by the naked girls on their altar, why are they not as upset about murders set around the church and the village?’

Words unspoken:
‘… Is it because I’m not Rowan Atkinson and I didn’t pay them?’

What it reveals:
Andy knows what he did wrong, any grade-school child would. He should’ve told them first! I mean, anyone with the slightest modicum of sense would realize that taking half-naked photos in a church might offend, and that it would therefore be a good idea to *ask* before you start stripping in front of the cross. Craddock doesn’t seem like an imbecile, so he probably decided not to mention it to the priest in order to avoid having to pay. Since he’s now probably going to get sued, it would seem at first glance like Craddock’s plan failed. However, this stuff is probably getting his photos (which aren’t that great) more publicity than they would’ve otherwise received, and I’m pretty sure the news agencies paid him to use those pictures…

Nelson’s show was called ‘Pythons: Lethal Killers of the America’s Wang,” featuring special guest: Mr. Ded, a giant piece of shedded snakeskin.

Nelson figured that since Florida had apparently solved crime, terrorism, cancer and Republicans, the only remaining threat to the safety of Floridinians (I made that word up) is pythons. John Cleese beware – Bill Nelson is out to get you!

Bill Nelson’s show not only treated the Senators like they were eight-year olds, but also failed to mention that pythons rarely attack humans and generally only do so when said human is being a douchebag. He also somehow manages to claim that his actions will protect the environment while ignoring the impact of species genocide on an ecosystem.

And let’s not forget that evolution (and Nelson is a Democrat, so he probably believes in evolution) dictates that if we kill all the pythons, some other, scarier predator might take over their niche!

Which, come to think of it, might be pretty cool.

‘Pythons: Lethal Killers of America’s Wang’ is now showing in a Florida Senate chamber near you.

-MoF

With a State budget in shambles and a government on the verge of total meltdown as Illinois struggles to pay its employees, several Illinois senators decided to go watch the All-Star game instead of working on Wednesday. I mean, wow! That sounds like something I would do!

I heartily and unsarcastically applaud the Senators and their attempt to appeal to the common man. Look, they’re saying, we’re just like the rest of you. Sure we get paid six-figure salaries, work 10 months a year and actually work about 3 months a year, but we’re just like you. We like to procrastinate too! You can’t blame us for being like you, right?

And let’s not forget, the lawmakers did spend all of Tuesday in a ‘gruelling’ (in politics, this means boring) ‘around-the-clock’ (in politics, this means 10-4, with a 2 hour break for lunch) legislative sessions trying to correct their total lack of a budget.

Now, poople might claim that if the lawmakers had been doing these ‘gruelling’ sessions all along they wouldn’t be in this mess, but I think differently. I applaud the lawmakers’ lack of urgency. It just further goes to show that the Senators are very much like Joe Six-Pack, who likes to put decisions to the last minute and never does today what can wait until one month before you’re up for re-election.

So way to go, Illinois! Congratulations on electing leaders who are no better than the average person.

-MoF

He’s starting a brothel.

Yes, you read that right. He’s not starting a brother, a broth or a bother. He’s starting a brothel. To raise money for the Olympics. A brothel.

What confuses me is his motive. Given that the IOC will, in all probability, ban him for being a pimp (which some countries have sensitivities about), it seems like there must be some kind of ulterior motive. Personally, I think he’s in it for the opportunity to gain street cred as a pimp who has a both black belt and his parents’ permission.

-MoF

Beneath the fool’s cap
Jokes aside, it’s an interesting tactic and MoF wishes him all the best.